respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
