Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
