He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
