Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
