Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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