She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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