im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
me + whiskey = a bad person
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
