Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize