there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
