I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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