People in love make me want to vomit
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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