Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
