well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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