i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
