my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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