yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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