GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
