Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
