theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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