Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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