I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize