she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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