I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
