Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize