I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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