The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
