thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
