He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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