I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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