i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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