Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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