Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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