dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
