I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
