i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
