I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
