What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
