So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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