I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
