yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
