Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
