im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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