You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
