Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
