evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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