remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
