At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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