why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
