You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
