How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
