Your mouth is God's brothel.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
