This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
