I want to make a zoo with you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
