I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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