whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
