dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can text with my tongue
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
