Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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