I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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