watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
