White coat. Heels.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
