You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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