So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
